Although the reasoning department of your brain keeps telling you that you should be friends with benefits, there you are jonesing for girlfriend benefits (flattery, little prezzies and all). Anthropologist John Marshall Townsend explains that women evolved an emotional alarm system to read whether a man would be a good provider and to compel them to seek cues of commitment.

I asked my wife of  five years, who played bass at my church, to join me. She became angry at this suggestion and said I should do my own thing on Christmas and she’d do hers. She then announced that she’d be spending Christmas Eve with her (single, lonely) ex-boyfriend, staying the night at his place and hiking with him on Christmas Day.

the man you wrote Advice Goddess about recently who had been married and divorced five times and was on relationship number six. Woman number six wrote you, “He’s in his 50s; his marriage-hopping has to stop.� Obviously, she’s fooling herself, but what’s his deal? What’s anyone’s who gets married over and over?— Morbidly Curious.

Brief-Stricken A divorced male friend and I recently became “friends with benefits.� However, I’m not receiving the same, uh, level of benefits as he is. He isn’t giv- Advice Goddess ing me orgasms from intercourse, and his pleasuring of me is measured in seconds rather than minutes

and persuaded him Advice Goddess to divorce his wife for me. He has been married five times and cheated on all of his wives. I have reason to believe he’s still having sex with his ex-wife. I’m not sure what to do.

had a crush on. You Advice Goddess said that he probably got interested because he saw her with her new boyfriend. Well, he could also have wanted to murder her because of that. Every year, there’s news of a female body being found in a remote area — or not found after a disappearance.

Blister Wonderful I’m starting to have feelings for this guy friend I’ve been fooling around with, but I’m worried he isn’t feeling the same way. He’s stopped short of having full-blown intercourse with me, which I find odd, although I don’t want to have sex yet because I have genital herpes and I’m not ready to tell him.

She swears she’s  much happier being his friend and says they both feel they weren’t meant to be romantic partners. Well, she clearly adores the hell out of him, and he’s her go-to guy for her problems (family, career and probably any issues with me).

Pest Wife Regression Two years ago, my man left his 22-year marriage to be with me, but he told me he loved his former wife and would always want a friendship with her. I accepted that (I’m friends with my ex), but I’m bothered by the amount of contact they have.

She couldn’t afford to travel, so I paid for her flight. She stayed with me for two wonderful, passionate months, and then we vacationed together in February. I paid for her flight, rental car, hotel and meals. Again, it was very passionate. Last month, we vacationed together again, funded by me.

Snorting Hope I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. The first year was rocky. He was selling drugs, got addicted and went to prison. Three months after getting out, he relapsed. I persuaded his mother to send him to rehab, and afterward I found us an apartment

Slipping Beauty I’m in a great relationship of seven months. My boyfriend and I never get sick of each other. We respect each other and are there for each other, and we talk very openly, even when we’re upset.

Flee Circus I have a good relationship with my boyfriend of a year except for how he ignores me when he’s stressed. The first time this happened, he disappeared for a week and didn’t respond to texts or voicemails.

I admire that you often add research to your columns, so I thought I’d ask you about an article I read on birth control pills. Apparently, taking the pill can cause the “wrong� man to smell good to you — a man you might not be into once you’re off the pill.

All Work And No Foreplay My husband and I are entrepreneurs, developing a new product. We’re both working long hours. He’s miserable because he has no time for his art (painting), and our sex life is in shambles. There isn’t a lot of blame or anger.

Prince Harming I feel like a disappointment to my boyfriend of seven months. I’m 28; he’s 35 and Mr. Smart. He is a Brit and was a top student at Cambridge. He says everyone expected him to become Prime Minister, but he decided to buck their expectations and become a portrait painter.

You can try to keep the romance alive with some therapist looking disapprovingly down her bifocals at the two of you — or with the gift of a 50-cent purple plastic chimp. The chimp, happily, will not ask you to “own your feelings” or repeat awkward “I” statements.

Ingrate Expectations I fear my husband has some disability in regard to apolo- gizing. Monday was his birthday. I had a terrible cold, but put myself on enough meds to cook him a wonderful meal and dessert. I felt too sick for sex, so I offered up a, um, very personal mas- sage, but he refused.

Menopause In The Heterosexuality Im a 56-year-old married woman, and as far as I can tell, Ive been happily heterosexual all my life until recently. For the past year, Ive been thinking about a woman until I can no longer think about anything else. I have such powerful and authentic sexual feelings

Queasy Credit My girlfriend and I are planning to get married this year. Her finances are in perfect order (shes frugal, with no debts, while I owe $8K on credit cards), so we agreed that shed manage our money after marriage.