• Pastor John Renken’s Xtreme Ministries of Memphis, Tenn. is one of a supposedly growing number of churches that use “mixed martial arts” events to recruit wayward young men to the Christian gospel. Typically, after leading his flock in solemn prayer to a loving God, Pastor Renken adjourns the session to the back room, where a New York Times reporter found him in February shouting encouragement to his violent parishioners: “Hard punches!” Renken yelled. “Finish the fight! To the head! To the head!” One participant told the Times that fight nights bring a greater masculinity to religion, which he said had, in recent years, gone soft.
Government in Action!
• Over-connecting the dots: At age 8, Mike Hicks is a frequent air traveler with his mother, and while she is seldom noticed by airport screeners, “Mikey” almost always is because he shares a name with someone on the enhanced-security list that is one level below “no fly” (one of 1,600 such Michael Hickses in the US). His mom told The New York Times in January that Mikey has been patted down by security since he was 2. (But sometimes government under-connects the dots. Delaware pediatrician Earl Bradley’s January arrest and February indictment for allegedly sexually
• Too much diversity:
(1) In January, the US Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division posted a job announcement supposedly in line with current affirmativeaction policy. The division is seeking “experienced attorneys” by Chuck Shepherd and was encouraging “qualified applicants with targeted disabilities” to apply. Legally protected “targeted disabilities” include the traditional, such as blindness, but also molesting 103 children came only after he was cleared in two police investigations in three years, involving eight complaints, and despite one ex-colleague’s routinely referring to Dr. Bradley as a “pedophile.”)
• Better late than never? (1) Ten days after Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab nearly brought down the Christmas Day airliner over Detroit, the State Department officially revoked his visa. (2) Eight days after the Christmas Eve demolition of Minneapolis’ historic Fjelde House (as a fire hazard), the Minneapolis Heritage Preservation Commission awarded the site “interim protection” for its historic value.
“mental retardation.”
(2) In February, aspirants
for taxicab licenses in Portsmouth, England were
officially informed by the city council that application
forms are available in other languages or in
“audio,” “large print” or “Braille.”
• When “you lie!” doesn’t quite capture the
moment: Legislator Abel LeBlanc was suspended
from Canada’s New Brunswick Assembly
in February for giving middle-finger salutes
to two colleagues, calling one a “punk” and
declaring himself ready to “walk outside with
any one of yas here.” “Don’t ever laugh at me,”
he continued. “Yes, I gave you that [the finger].
And I’ll give you that again. And [to another
colleague] I’ll give you this [finger] if you want
to go outside.”
Great Art!
• Just after Christmas, the Anglican
Church of St. Peter in Great Limber, England
unveiled artist Adam Sheldon’s 6-foot-high
representation of the crucifixion consisting of
153 pieces of toast. Sheldon browned the bread
himself, then painstakingly either scraped (to
lighten) or torched (to darken) each piece to
fashion the tableau.
Police Report
• They don’t make cops like
they used to: Sheriff’s deputy John Franklin of
San Luis Obispo, Calif. filed a lawsuit in December
against the Catholic Church and former priest
Geronimo Cuevas for the “emotional trauma”
he suffered by being propositioned for sex while
working undercover in 2007. Deputy Franklin
was patrolling a public park near Avila Beach
when Father Cuevas reached out and touched
Franklin’s clothed genital area. Cuevas was arrested
and convicted, but Deputy Franklin said
he is not yet over the feelings of “anger, rage,
disgust and embarrassment.”
• Chutzpah: Former Stoughton, Mass. police
sergeant David Cohen was convicted in 2007
of attempted extortion and witness-tampering
and sentenced to 30 months in jail. In November
2009, he filed a formal demand for payment of at
least $113,000 he said the department owes him
for unused vacation, sick leave and comp time.
He also claims extra pay because, while still on
the job, he had to spend 481 hours in court and
280 hours preparing in order to defend himself
against the criminal charges.
Names in the News
• Arrested in January
in Memphis, Tenn. and charged with having
carnal knowledge of an underage girl: Mr.
Knowledge Clark, 29. Arrested in January in
Hellertown, Pa., and charged with cashing a
stolen check: Richard Fluck, 47, and Bryan Flok,
47. Arrested in Denver in February and charged
with using another person’s driver’s license as
identification: Mr. Robin J. Hood, 34. Arrested
in Kingston, Pa., in January and charged with
cocaine trafficking: Carlos Laurel, 30, and Andre
Hardy, 39. Arrested in February in DeFuniak
Springs, Fla., and charged with possession of
crystal meth: Crystal Beth Williams, 21.
It ’s Goo d to Be a British Criminal
(continued)
• (1) Victim Debra Wilson
testified that she had been driven nearly into
bankruptcy by loan shark Robert Reynolds, 39,
who extorted over time the equivalent of about
$135,000. In December, Reynolds was convicted
in Durham Crown Court but ordered to repay
only the equivalent of about $2,300. (However,
the judge warned that if Reynolds failed to pay,
he could be jailed for up to 35 days!)
(2) In
September 2008, veteran criminal Waled Salem
and two partners were discovered burglarizing
the home of businessman Munir Hussain. Salem,
wielding a knife, restrained Hussain, his wife and
children and resumed the ransacking. Hussain
freed himself and chased the men away, catching
up only with Salem, whom he then beat with a
cricket bat. In December 2009 in Reading Crown
Court, Salem was sentenced to probation, but
Hussain got 30 months in jail for assault.
Pervo-American Community
• Colt
Heltsley, 20, had been spotted by police in 2008
at the Preble County (Ohio) Fair, “looking
around, acting nervous” in the area of a row of
portable toilets and in one 30-minute sequence
continually moving empty toilets until they were
close together. He was eventually convicted of
voyeurism, peeping at a female using the facility.
In December 2009, a state appeals court rejected
Heltsley’s defense that police had violated his
right to privacy with their surveillance.
Now, Which One Is the Brake?
(all-new)
• Elderly drivers’ recent lapses
of concentration, accidentally confusing the
brake pedal with the gas: An 89-year-old man
crashed through the front of Sussex Eyecare
opticians in Seaford, England (June). A driver
“in her late 80s” crashed into the Buttonwood
Bakery in Hanover Township, Pa. (September).
An 86-year-old man crashed into the Country
Boy Family Restaurant in Dunedin, Fla.
(October). An 82-year-old man crashed into
the Egypt Star Bakery in Whitehall Township,
Pa. (November). A 78-year-old woman
drove off of a 30-foot cliff (but the car’s plunge
was halted when it lodged against a tree) near
Hannibal, Mo. (August). A 92-year-old man
crashed into the Biscuits ‘N’ Gravy and More
restaurant in Port Orange, Fla. (January) (but
was not deterred amidst the rubble he created,
as he calmly went inside, sat down and ordered
breakfast).
A News of the Weird Classic (March
1995)
• In August 1994, Sanford, Fla., judge
Newman Brock picked up hair clippers and
went to the local Seminole County Jail for his
regular biweekly haircut from his longtime
hairstylist, Rick Thrower, who was serving 45
days for DUI violations. Said Thrower, “[The
judge is] a very loyal customer.”
© 2010 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by
Universal Press Syndicate !
