Several weeks after
returning from Los Angeles, I am still feeling the distant effects of jet lag,
but my crosscountry trek was worth the trouble. I had been asked by the Academy
of Television Arts & Sciences (the folks who present the EMMY awards) to
produce and moderate another special program at their theater in North
Hollywood. Last year I helmed “A Salute to TV Moms,” so this time around it was
“A Salute to TV Dads.” My panel of iconic TV Dads included: Dick Van Dyke (“The
Dick Van Dyke Show” and “Diagnosis Murder”), Bryan Cranston (“Breaking Bad” and
“Malcolm in the Middle”); Dick Van Patten (“Eight is Enough”) Patrick Duffy
(“Dallas” and “Step by Step”); Bill Paxton (“Big Love”); Jon Cryer (“Two and a
Half Men”), Reginald VelJohnson (“Family Matters”), Michael Gross (“Family
Ties”) and Stephen Collins (“7 th Heaven”).
Tom Bosley (“Happy Days”),
Ralph Waite (“The Waltons”) and Terry Crews (“Everybody Hates Chris”) were
scheduled to appear, but were called out of town at the last minute.
The
nine TV Dads and I were seated in an assortment of chairs, each appropriate to
the television program for which they were most famous. I even arranged for Dick
Van Dyke to have an ottoman, which he pretended to almost trip over upon his
entrance to the stage. My first question went to Van Dyke: “Rob and Laura Petrie
slept in separate beds. Did they ever fool around?”
“Of course,” replied
Dick. “We had a kid, didn’t we?” I then asked each TV Dad to reveal how he
learned about the birds and the bees when they were growing up. Bill Paxton
recalled that as a youth he confessed to his dad that he had a problem with
premature ejaculation. Paxton’s dad’s response? “Don’t worry about it son. I
used to go off on the nest all the time.” That colorful anecdote pretty much set
the stage for a rousing and sometimes risqué evening. When it came time for Emmy
winner Bryan Cranston to respond, he said, “It’s appropriate that I should
answer this question considering that I’m sitting between a couple of Dicks [Van
Dyke and Van Patten].” The capacity crowd howled with laughter, something that
kept occurring throughout the program.
Later on, I asked the TV Dads to
own up to some little-known tales about themselves. For example, Van Dyke, now
age 83, admitted that during the first day of filming “The Dick Van Dyke Show,”
he was so nervous that he perspired through six dress shirts.
He also
had five fever blisters on his mouth, but Mary Tyler Moore kissed him anyway.
Dick Van Patten, also now in his mid-eighties, confessed that at age 16 he had
dated a stripper who made him get a tattoo. “She made me get it,” he said. “It
was stupid. I was trying to impress her. Afterward I thought we’d make out or
something, but nothing.”
I also asked the Dads to tell us something
about their own real life fathers. Stephen Collins recalled that his dad was a
principled man who was never afraid to speak his mind. Paxton said his Dad was a
natural interviewer and always liked to talk to people, even strangers. And
Patrick Duffy said as he got older, his father advised, “Never wear your best
shoes if you go out drinking.”
The interview portion of the evening
lasted about 90 minutes, and wrapped up when I asked each panelist to name the TV Dad they
most admired.
For Collins it was Robert Young of “Father Knows Best.”
Gross idolized Hugh Beaumont of “Leave it to Beaver.” VelJohnson liked Chuck
Connors in “The Rifleman.” Paxton said his favorite TV Dad was John Astin in
“The Addams Family.” Patrick Duffy liked Fess Parker the best, but only because
his character, Daniel Boone, was married to Patricia Blair, whom Duffy thought
was hot. Van Patten liked Carroll O’Connor as Archie Bunker. Jon Cryer and Bryan
Cranston both said that the TV dad they most adored was Dick Van Dyke. And Van
Dyke himself said that Bill Cosby was the greatest TV dad of all time. At the
conclusion of the interview session, I announced that the academy had some
Father’s Day gifts for our dads. But as a special treat, I had arranged for a
host of celebrities to bring those gifts up on stage. Meredith Baxter appeared
for Michael Gross.
Suzanne Somers and Christine Lakin came to honor their “Step by Step” co-star
Duffy. Even Josh Harris joined in the salute. He played Patrick’s son
Christopher on “Dallas.” Darius McCrary came for VelJohnson and MacKenzie Rosman
represented the “7 th Heaven” clan for Collins. Dick Van Dyke’s son Barry
(“Diagnosis Murder”) was joined on stage by Larry (Mazzeo) Matthews who played
little Ritchie on “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” Mary Kay Place and Douglas Smith
were there from “Big Love” to honor Paxton. Jane Kaczmarek and Frankie Muniz
came to be with their “Malcolm in the Middle” buddy Cranston. Two of Dick Van
Patten’s sons, Nels and Vincent, were joined by “Eight Is Enough” actors Dianne
Kay and Adam Rich. And Charlie Sheen made a cameo appearance for his TV brother
Cryer. Cryer’s real son Charlie, having just come from a scout meeting, showed
up in his Cub Scout uniform.
“We don’t dress him like this every day,”
Cryer quipped. As an added treat for the audience, I invited some special guests
up onstage to honor Bosley, Waite and Crews.
Tyler James Williams came
to salute his TV dad Terry Crews, while Marion Ross and Erin Moran made the trip
to show their support for Bosley. I also snagged four of the Walton kids to
honor Ralph Waite. Mary McDonough (Erin), Jon Walmsley (Jason), Kami Cotler
(Elizabeth) and Eric Scott (Ben) hadn’t aged a bit, and the crowd was glad to
see them. I also paid tribute to TV dads who were no longer with us, including
the aforementioned Robert Young, whose grandson Bill Proffitt and TV son Billy
Gray came to represent the late, great star of “Father Knows Best” and “Marcus
Welby, MD.” One by one, the guest stars — 36 in all — each had an opportunity to
say a few words about the TV dads on stage.
Then, we wrapped up with a
musical number by an a cappella quartet, known as Dick Van Dyke and the
Vantastix. Van Dyke had no idea I was going to bring out his three cohorts, but
he leapt up from his seat to join the guys in a rendition of the theme song from
“The Dick Van Dyke Show.” It was a perfect ending to a perfect evening, and one
I’ll never forget. It’s also no wonder that I’m still feeling a bit jet-lagged,
because after hanging out with so many cultural icons, I’m still flying
high.
