TEN BEST LAST MINUTE COSTUMES
RANDOMLY COMPILED BY ERIC GINSBURG
BINDER FULL OF WOMEN
Making fun of presidential hopeful Mitt Romney’s gaffe in the second debate has been the source of much entertainment over the past several weeks, and there’s no reason not to continue for Halloween. There are lots of ways to pull this off, but the key thing is attach large photos of women to a binder-like object or more simply, be the woman inside of a binder. Get a partner to dress up as Al Gore’s lock box.
ASTRONAUT NEIL ARMSTRONG
Find somewhere else for your fish to stay and put its tank on your head — it’s time to commemorate Neil Armstrong, who passed away in August. Put on a particularly puffy winter jacket, make a US flag patch, slip on some oversized winter boots and you’ll be sure to leave your footprint on whatever gathering you attend.
Dress up like a past president — preferably one with lots of facial hair like Chester Arthur — or a Christmas tree, don the nation’s flag, tape (unlit) tea lights to your arms and head to be a Menorah, find some military garb or dig up a hard hat or something else to signify the working class. Now you’re ready to trick or treat, and make sure to exclaim loudly that you are confused as to which national holiday it is.
A GAME BOY
Step one: Find a gigantic box. Step two: Cut some holes in that box. Step three: Draw some buttons on that box. Step four: Get inside the box. My friend did this one year and it’s one of the best costumes I’ve ever seen. If you can find a smaller box, I don’t think the dick-in-a-box joke is over yet.
We all probably have at least one friend who is easy to imitate in behavior or style — all you need to do is borrow a few items of her clothing and figure out how to do your hair and you’re set. I habitually procrastinate on Halloween costumes, so last year I drew a friend’s tattoos on my arms, borrowed glasses and had his roommate let me in to snag one of his signature shirts. You should’ve seen the look on his face when he showed up at the party, and I didn’t spent a dime.
Justin Jackson has a reputation for being the office funny man, so naturally I approached him for suggestions. Here’s an embellished version of his suggestion: Get a blank shirt and write the word “LIFE” on it. Use anything from tape to glue and glitter, or a “Hi, my name is…” sticker would also do the trick. Then buy two dozen lemons and hand them out to people.
MR. AUTUMN MAN
We can’t stop talking about the Onion’s article on “Mr. Autumn Man,” an embodiment of fall and hipster stereotypes. Got a cardigan and a Carhartt jacket? Now go get a pumpkin-themed prop and loudly proclaim the season’s superiority. Encourage the partygoers to move the revelry outdoors so everyone can breath the crisp air.
ACTUAL LAST MINUTE
So you’ve literally waited until the last minute, which means you obviously don’t appreciate Halloween, but we’re going to help you out anyway. The easiest cop out is drawing whiskers on your face, or thick lines under your eyes along with a baseball jersey, a moustache or sunken zombie eyes. Just promise me you won’t draw a lightning bolt on your forehead and declare your Harry Potter costume complete.
I’ve written about the crazy things my grandmother has bought me or sent in the mail, but some of her gifts have been very practical. Amidst a box full of bizarre Halloween and school-themed gifts she sent me one year, I found an orange T-shirt with a Jack-O-Latern’s eyes and mouth cut out of it. I tossed it on over a black shirt and called it quits. Easy enough to replicate, and passersby were pretty enthusiastic about it.
“Trick or treat.” “Did you forget your costume? What are you dressed as?” “I’m dressing up as Candy Land for Halloween and I need your help.” If you’re young enough, people should take pity on you and load you up with sugary treats. Otherwise they’ll think you’re a group of teenage punks or no-good creeps, but you can’t win them all. It’s more creative than wearing a hood and mask and saying you’re a bank robber, and people may even chuckle at your answer as you head for the candy bowl at the Halloween party.